Anger

Anger is one of the most misunderstood and overused of human emotions. Anger is a reaction to an inner emotion and not a planned action. Anger is easier to show; everyone gets angry. The feelings underlying the anger reaction makes us feel vulnerable and weak; anger makes us feel, momentarily, strong and in control. Angry behaviors are learned over the life-span and therefore can be unlearned and replaced with healthier patterns of coping. Anger can be an immediate reaction to an isolated event or it can be a response after numerous events.


To repress anger is unhealthy and yet to express it impulsively as we so often do, may give momentarily relief but inevitably will carry negative consequences. To alter our angry responses, we need to understand from where it comes. There are a variety of factors taht increase the probability of an anger reaction. If we have seen our parents get angry first and resolve an issue after, we are more than likely to use the same approach. Because of this, types of anger are learned. If we are frustrated and feel stressed, we are more than likely to react with anger. If we are tired, we can react in an angry fashion. If we tend to hold our feelings inside rather than talking them out. We are more than likely to have an angry outburst as the pressure increases.

An anger checklist, how is your anger? And answer these honestly. People always are saying you need to calm down? You feel tense most of the time? When you are upset you try and block the world out? You abuse substances (ie. alcohol, drugs) to calm you down? You have trouble going to sleep? You feel misunderstood or not listened to much of the time? People ask you not to yell or curse so much? Your loved ones are saying you are hurting them? Friends are avoiding you?

Anger reactions have been compared to a train running out of control and about to derail. A little anger can motivate us to take action in positive ways. A lot of anger will make us "red with rage." The price for anger that is out of control, you will end up driving away those whom we loev the most and endanger our normal existence.


Don't be afraid to ask for help. As a victim of domestic violence I am hoping that the ones who read this and know people who have some of the questions on the checklist are getting the help they need. We need to cut down on the domestic violence