How to Flirt With a Girl or Guy

Flirting's a language - and just like with any other language, no one's born a fluent flirt. If you want to know how to flirt like a pro, you've got to learn the signs. Follow these flirt tips and practice till you're an expert flirt.

1. Choose Your TargetsYou don't have to have a crush on someone in order to flirt. Practice flirting with random people you see every day - people who might not even be on your dating radar - on order to hone your skills. That way, you'll have some flirting experience under your belt when you approach the people who really matter.

2. Have an Opening LineFind a reason to talk to the person. If you're in a class with them, come up with a question about an assignment. If they're standing in line behind you at a concert, ask about the band. Get creative, and be ready to respond to whatever they say.

3. Make Eye ContactIf you don't make eye contact, you'll look bored or uninterested, and that's not an impression you want to give. Too shy to look them right in the eyes? Here's a trick: look at the spot right between their eyes. It'll look like eye contact to them.

4. Come Up With a ComplimentPick one thing you like about the way they look - like their hair, their smile or an article of clothing. Let them know in a friendly way how much you like it. It'll make them feel good and will open them up to you. (If you can't think of an opening line for tip #2, a compliment will do.)

5. SmileYou don't have to go all Bozo the Clown, but the idea is to look like you enjoy talking to them. So be sure to throw them a smile whenever it makes sense. If they shoot one back, you'll know that they like talking to you, too.

6. Flirt With Your BodyThe body language you use when you flirt is just as important as what you say. Use good posture, point your body towards the person and try to find excuses to touch them.

7. Keep It LightYou'll get a way better response if you chat about fun, happy stuff (like your new puppy) than serious or sad stuff (like when your puppy got hit by a train). The point of flirting isn't to bare your soul or share your honest opinions about everything. It's to open the door to lots more conversations down the road.

8. Beware of Awkward SilencesOnce the convo drags, it's probably gone for good. Fill an awkward silence by asking the other person a question. Can't think of one? Ask them about something they're wearing or something in your environment (like a painting on the wall, or the music that's playing).

9. Wrap It UpIf you're not interested in talking anymore, politely find an excuse to head off into the sunset. If you are interested, give them a way to get in touch with you - like your phone number or Facebook name. This is (hopefully) just your first convo of many, so save some of that charm for the next time.

10. Practice, Practice, PracticeNo one's perfect at flirting the first time around. If the idea of flirting still gives you butterflies, don't worry - it just means that you need more practice. The more you flirt, the easier it'll get.

A Love Manifesto

Come in... have a seat. I hope you are doing well and ready to chat about a few things that have been on my mind since we last spoke. Typically, we explore your innermost thoughts, but I have something to share with you and I think it just may be what you need to hear. You can call it a challenge, if you like. Connect with me, and I can assure you that you will leave more fulfilled than you came. Tall words? I give my word to you... now lets talk.

There are certain occasions in our lives where we have to make a declaration or profession of faith in something. I don't simply mean the conventional profession of faith, as in religion. However, we do it on such occasions where a true commitment is needed...not simply with words or actions, but wtih a firm commitment of both. There is a portion of the Declaration of Independece that I absolutely love. In the final line of the document, it states... "with a firm reliance on the protection of divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes and our sacred honor."

In this pledge, a collection of individuals came together to make a decree that in spite of all obstacles that may come there way, they were going to remain faithful to the cause. Be it tribulation or threat of death, they stood firm on the premiseof what they believed. They believed that strongly in it!

Have you ever committed to soemthing or someone with so much passion and aggression that you were willing to pledge your life? I don't mean a hollow recital of words that a minister led you into saying. I'm talking about carrying a type of faith in something that if it fails, life isn't worth living anyway- so it leaves you with no alternatives. Something so sacred, so honorable, so crucial that it's simply not possible for someone else to understand how you feel about it. Perhaps its time to make a pledge of your own...

Maybe you need to take the vow that you won't give up on love. You need to wed the notion that no matter how many of your friends say "love is a myth" or "true love is lost, never to be found," you will hold to the pledge that love is a possibility. Not only is it a possibility, its a certainty. In this pledge, you have to be willing to make the necessary sacrifices. The sacrifices that will allow you to reign what has been shrouded in the cynicism that has caused you to doubt love veracity. If you have lost your relationship with love, please understand that it doesn't have the capacity to give up on you... you must have given up on it. Well, it is my pleasure to reintroduce you...

Relax your mind... breathe deeply... Repeat after me...

With everything that is within me, I am convinced that there exists something greater than me. It compels the flowers to bloom in spring... it cools the earth after rain. It's the upward slant of a pleasant smile. It's what redefines a tear, making it a manifestation of joy. It's the indescribable phenomena that allows laughter to be nature's most precious organic remedy... It's sometimes sweeter than I can stomach and often too bitter to maintain. The tighter I squeeze it, the more of it I lose. And, like the horizon, obtaining it seems to be just another foolish thought. Yet in still, I vow to continue seeking after it... with fervor... with respect... with humility. Even if the sun sets without it ever shining on me, I understand and respect the pursuit. Even more than that, I have the faith that it has been with me all along...quietly serving as my companion. In the moments when I'm alone, wondering and praying when it will come, it has been with me from the beginning. We are conjoined and forever inseparable. I pledge to savor and cherish the moments I have with it and value the journey while pursuing it. The times that I am with it, I will honor it as though it may never return... because it very well may not. I will not envy its relationship with others because what we have is something that has been reserved only for me. I will not take it for granted in my relationships, because once its gone, I am powerless to bring it back. I will trust and let it lead me to the places where it dwells in others. I will love without reservation and let myself to be loved with reckless abandonment. More than anything, I will love unbashedly, with an assured optimism that love has already pledged itself to me. Let these words forever be inscribed in my heart. This is my love manifesto.

Let it be so.

Why You Shoud Have Sex Everyday

Heard that song called Sexual Healing? It's not just a metaphor. Sex can actually heal. It can heal your body and mind and also prevent lots of diseases. Some say it's the first medicine ever known to man and it should be administered daily. Sounds too good to be true? Let's discover the five reasons to have sex each day.

Great Form of Exercise

Making love is a form of physical activity. During intercourse, the physiological changes in your body are consistent with a workout. You must have noticed that the respoiratory rate rises, which means you get tired. Hence, you burn calories. If you have sex three times a week for 15 minutes you will burn about 7,500 calories in a year. That's the equivalent of jogging 120km! Heavy breathing raises the amount of oxygen in your cells, and the testosterone produced during sex keeps your bones and muscles strong.

Pain Relief

The "honey, not today. I have a headache" cannot be an excuse anymore. During sex, both male and female bodies produce endorphins, hormones that act as a weak painkiller. A study conducted by reknowned sex therapist, Gina Ogden, showed that during sexual stimulation and especially during orgasm, we don't feel pain. If shefind another excuse, remind her that sex is good for the entire reproductive system, because it trains the PC muscle, which keeps the reproductive organs in shape. In women, sex can also increase fertility, postpone the menopause and relieve PMS symptoms.

Prostate Protection

Most of the fluid you ejaculate is secreted by the prostate gland. If you stop ejaculating, the fluid stays in the gland, which tends to swell, causing lots of problems. Regular ejaculation will wash those fluids out and ensure the well being of your prostate until old age. Problems may also occur when you suddenly change the frequency of ejaculations.

Prevents Erectile Dysfunctions

Fifty percent of men older than 40 suffer from erectile dysfunctions and all young men fear the moment when they won't be able to get it up anymore. The best medicine against impotence is... sex. An erection keeps the blood flowing through your penile arteries, so the tissue stays healthy. Plus, doctors compare an erection to an athletic reflex: the more you train the more capable you are to perform.

Stress Relief

It's a scientific fact; sex can be a very effective way of reducing stress levels. During sex your body produces dopamine, a substance that fights stress hormones, endorphins, also known as "happiness hormones" and oxytocin, a desire enhancing hormone secreted by the pituitary gland.

The Debate Over Love at First Sight

Listen to enough pop songs and watch enough romantic movies, and you're bound to start believing that love at first sight happens all the time. But does it exist in the real world, between real people? Like so much about love, the question of love at first sight can't be answered objectively. But I will do my best to answer it here in the most helpful way.

Is Your Mind Playing Tricks on You?

Have you ever seen someone and instantly felt attracted to every part of them, including their personality (even though you haven't even talked to them yet)? You might be quick to call it love at first sight, but it's probably what psychologists call the attractiveness halo effect. When you see someone who looks great, your brain sometimes jumps to the conclusion that their personality must be great, too.

We all know that not everyone's looks and personalities match up. Some attractive people are total jerks, and some of the best people in the world aren't what you would neccessarily think of as hot. So the halo effect is really just an illusion. Your sudden feelings of love might go away as soon as you get to know the person better.

Love: More than Just Looks

Everyone's got a different take on what love is, but few people believe that's made out of stuff you can find just by looking at someone. Love (at least if you ask me) is made up of compromise, empathy and patience. You can't give or get those sorts of things at first sight.

That doesn't mean that your initial feelings can't turn into love. When you first see someone, you might instantly know that you want to get close to them and learn about them. As your relationship progresses, those feelings might eventually grow into love. But is "love" really the word for your gut reaction? Not unless your definition of love is kinda superficial.

When Couples "Just Know"

You might meet couples who say that when they saw each other for the first time, they "just knew." What did they really know? Probably that they liked how the other person looked and acted, and that they wanted to take things to the next step and get to know each other better.

If they want to call it "love at first sight," that's okay by me. But keep in mind that there are lots of other couples who get the same feeling when they meet each other, and it ends badly or doesn't go anywhere at all. It's not the first glance that makes it love. It's the stuff that comes later- the commitment and caring that makes a relationship last.

The Danger of Believing Too Strongly in Love at First Sight

You might be wondering why I'm giving love at first sight such a bad rap. It's not that I don't think the idea is sweet, or that I don't love me some romantic movies. But it's wrong to think that if you don't have intense feelings right away, it could never be love. Some of the best and strongest relationships started out in totally unromantic ways.

More importantly, though, the halo effect can be dangerous. If you see someone hot and assume that what you feel is love, you will overlook qualities in them that could end up hurting you. You might let them get away with abusive behavior because your heart has taken over your better judgment.

So, What's the Answer?

Whether or not you want to believe in love at first sight is up to you. Just don't go out there expecting to find it and get upset when you don't. And when you meet someone you instantly swoon over, be aware that there's a whole about them you haven't seen yet- including some stuff that might not be so deserving of your love.

Wouldn't Trade It For The World

Relationships come with a lot of tribulations. We fight, we yell, we get jealous, we cry, we feel pain, we hurt, we scream, we get frustrated, we get angry, we get upset, we break up and our emotions take us over. So why do we do it? Why would we want to feel not just sad, but truly hurt, sad to the point where you whole body hurts just because of one person, sad to the point where you feel empty wheneverything falls apart, sad to the point where your heart aches for the company of that being. I will tell you why I do it, its because besides all those moments when your stupidity gets in the way of what your truly feeling and you "fight", the moments when you are truly loving someone are the most touching, astounding, magnificent moments you will ever experience. When two people are just loving each other its magical. And to those of you who are to scared of getting hurt and too scared of the baggage that comes with relationships, let me tell you think, having someone you love and having them love you back is a feeling that you can not substitute. Having soemoen look at you with such a deep emotion is remarkable. Having someone touch with so much care brings a feeling of weightlessness throughout your whole body. Having someone whisper they love you feels like they screamed it. Having someone to hold your had at all times just feels special. Having someone to be your best friend and be loyal to you and never lie to you feels so safe. So yea, relationships suck, breaking up hurts, but having that someone that lets you insider theirs, someone to talk to at all hours during the day, someone to laugh with, someone to fall asleep with, having somone that is your other half for whatever amount of time you are together, is true beauty and I wouldn't trade it for the world

I'm Falling Out Of Love

I used to wait for you. Days would go by before I got a text or a hello, but I was so elated to finally hear from you that I ignored all the signs. I forgot that I deserve better. I forgot that I actually need someone who's going to uplift and adore me, worship me, love me completely, just as I loved you. But I will never get that from you. I will never get the sweet note or that hug or the awkward hand holding. I will never be able to hold you again, to kiss you and run my fingers along your collar bone; you're simply to cruel. I can't deal with the insensitivity and the cutting jokes. I can't deal with the degrading behavior you're so trapped in. You're sorry? Well that's wonderful, but I don't want apologies.I want a change in behavior, a change in character, and I'm not going to ask taht of you because I know you to well. This is who you are, this is how you are, and I'm not supposed to try and change that. I'm accepting you as you, and moving on.

I'm falling out of love

All These Crazy Rules

So I'm trying pretty hard to be perfect. Perhaps perfect is too strong; mindful, considerate, eager to please, call it what you will.

Don't text too much because it comes across as desperate. Never send two texts in a row for the same reason. No facebook chat everytime he logs on, because that's desperate to, as is "liking" everything he posts, so don't do that either.Remember not to ask when we're seeing each other next because nonchalance is key, right? Don't sound to eager when he suggests doing something in the future, remember, nonchalance. When you're out with other people, don't demand his attention, he's not there just for you. And don't make an issue of him making friends with new girls, that's asking for trouble, you don't want to look jealous and insecure. When he wants to go to sleep before you do, don't latch onto him because you'll seem weak, needy and intense.

All these crazy rules I have made up in my head so you don't see past this facade. I'm not nonchalant, I over-think everything. I can be intense, and I am definitely jealous at times. But in essence, at the crux of all this overanalysation; I am insanely in love with you. I just wish you knew ho far away I am from nonchalance.

He Sees Me

He sees me. He sees who I am. He sees what others are to busy or to blind to see. He sees me.

When I see problems, he sees the possibilities in them. Solutions where I can only see trouble. And I am thankful for that. A shoulder to lean on. A hand to hold. A person to love. That's him. And I absolutely adore him. Especially his morning smile. And they way he looks at the lifelines in my hands.How he follows them with the tips of his fingers. How it usually tickles. How he says, "your lifelines say that we are forever." And I believe him. No matter what he says. I will believe him. And that is power. That is making yourself so vulnerable that it scares you but you still take the risk. The chance of letting yourself love- and be loved in return.

My butterflies become suicide bombers and throw themselves at the walls of my stomach when I see or hear your name. Which is a good feeling since it is the feeling that I have always associate with love. And that I can still feel it after three years makes me believe in us, believe in that we are forever.

We are forever.

Optimistic

He doesn't deserve me. I know that, that's what everyone's been telling me for months, and I have known it was true. But now I feel it. I feel it in my heart that I am too good for him. He wasn't any good for me. He hurt me, he rejected me, he made the corners of my soul cave in. He made me happy for such a short time, and even then it was full of ups and downs. And I deserve better than that. I deserve a guy that loves me, that truly knows me fully and completely and is in love with every bit of me. I deserve a guy that always wants to be wtih me and will do anything for me. I deserve a man who makes me happy.

And I believe he exists. I believe now that someday, I will find my perfect match. I haven't been optimistic in months. I have spent so much time alone, dwelling on him, on the one that broke my heart. And I haven't been able to see that this isn't the end. I am young, I have the rest of my life ahead of me. One day, I will find that person and we will fall crazily and madly in love. He exists, and it's okay if I don't find him anytime soon. I'm not going to go out there and search for him. Because you know what? I do believe in soulmates. I believe that everyone has someone made just for them. And today, today I felt that hope inside of me. That I will find my soulmate. Adn that this guy, this stupid guy that broke me is not him. So why am I wasting my life crying over him? From now on, I'm just going to let go. I know I won't completely get over him right away, but I'm not going to spend any more time sitting at home when I could be living my life. I'm letting go of him because I don't need him.

I'm going to live. I'm going to have a love for life. And I'm going to be happy

I'm Here

I wanted to be the one who was different.

Is there a girl who's known you who has not fallen for you? You're the epitome of the word "heartbreaker." Everything about you draws us in, until finally we're head-over-heels in love with you and -bang!- we realize it's never going to happen. How many girls have been suffering along with me this past year? Laying in their beds in the middle of the night, thinking about you, wondering if whatever little moment they had shared with you that day really meant something, praying you'd talk to them again. You've made pathetic fools out of all of us.

My little moments that I preceived as tenderness, as respect- when you made me dessert, when you tried to convince me to come with words "I'll be there," when you cleaned up my dishes for me and when you called me smart- I remember every single one of them. You're not a naturally affirming person, so I took those as, from you, the ultimate compliments. Especially when you said I fit in with your friends. I know how much they mean to you. Even now, looking back, I can't persuade myself that those things meant nothing. Those are the things that make my heart hurt the most because they're the things that kept me going for so long. But I was wrong. You don't truly respect me. I don't know if you even truly respect anybody in this world. You said it all last night, whether you know it or not. Your face when I walked up, when I smiled at you.

You were talking to someone else, but you looked over, and it was like you were looking at a stranger. You don't even respect me enough to smile at me or say hello. If you knew how much effort that smile took, how many months it took me to get to the place where I could smile at you, maybe you would have at least acknowledged that I had entered the area.

Part of me wants to believe that you do care for me, that you're scared. But I have never been as scared of anything in my whole life as I am of you. Because I wanted you to want me and I knew I wasn't good enough. If you only knew what I have done in the face of my fear. I literally befriended an entirely new group of people for the sole purpose of growing closer to you. For that reason, I don't regret any of the time I spent on you, because of all the things trying to put myself into your life brought into mine. You motivated me to become a better person in every way. But judging by the effort you've expended compared to the effort I expended, I don't even mean half as much to you as you do to me. Or you would try. You would overcome your fear like I overcame mine.

I will never forget when she told me that you were with her all night. That was the night you were supposed to come see me. That was the night I waited up all night for you to show up. And every second I was wishing you were here. And you couldn't even contact me and let me know what was going on. And yet, you were with her up until the very end.

I wanted to be the one who was different. The one for whom it was more than a crush. The one you chose in the end, instead I'm the one who got my heart broken every day for the longest time. And in the end, I am the same as everyone else. In then end, I didn't get you. And yet, unlike all the others, you can't even extend me the courtesy of being my friend.

And yet I didn't give up on you because you are difficult, like everyone else did. Your difficultness is one of the things I like best about you. It's just that I can't do much else. I can continue to try to conquer my fear, be your friend, gain your respect. In the end, that's all I really wanted, because I respect you more than anyone, and if you don't respect me, what does that say about me? But at some point, you have to show me that you care about me too. I am done with crying on the way home from every day we spend together.

I try to tell myself that it's your loss, and it is. But it's my loss too. I have never believe that I had nothing to lose, because even though I didn't have you, I truly believed I had our future together. I never wanted to lose that. But I think I have. And you have too.

I am the only person who thinks it's hillarious how rude you are, because I know you don't mean it. I am the only person who never, ever gets sick of you. It's not that I was willing to be a doormat and put up with your crap. It's that I loved all of you, event he parts everyone else hated, and I could see through them to what you really are. So I'm sorry I don't have the magical combination of qualities it takes to make a girl worth it to you. I hope when you find one who does, she accepts you as much as I do. Until further notice, I am here if you decide to shape up. But I am done with living my life making you the number one priority when you barely even consider me an option.

Not Because I Deserve Better

I broke up with you today. I broke up with you after three years together. Three years that to me didn't mean so mcuh. I thought it would be an easy breakup. I would explain that my feelings had simply gone away; it had nothing to do with you. That was the truth. It had nothing to do with you. It never had.

See, you were the guy who was there to make me feel loved. Sure, you were smart, you truly cared about me and you were always there. But hey, you weren't that funny. You didn't dress very well. And you weren't all that good looking. For me, there was no spark. I wanted that spark. I deserved that spark.

So I simply told you, I told you that my feelings for you had gone away. I somehow forgot to mention that I never really had feelings for you. You broke down in tears. You told me that you understood. You told me that you'd probably keep loving me for a while. And that I would have to let you do that. I didn't know what else to do, than wrap my arms around you and bury my face in your t-shirt. It smelled like you. Oh right. You smelled good too.

Then you told me you really wanted to be friends. I had been your life the past three years, and you didn't know how to go on living without me. I told you I really wanted that too. That I promised to never let you slip out of my life. You let out a sigh of relief and told me how absolutely perfect I was and how much you appreciated your time with me.

That night I sat alone in my bed and cried. Cried because I realized that I had the perfect guy in my life. The perfect guy who I not only didn't have feelings for, but had fooled to believe that I had. And so I realized that breaking up with you was the right thing to do. Not because I deserve better. Because you do.

When The Time Is Right It Will Happen

Realizations of love and general inspiring thoughts:

I just wanted to say I think the best people in life are the ones that get brokenhearted, time and time again and can still open their hearts to love after the exasperating pain of heart break. Those are the best kinds of people in life. The ability to love anything and anyone is a gift. And anyone who hasn't found love yet should not fear, because it's fear that drives you to insanity and worry. But its hope that sends you to belief and opens your heart again to love and for love. And once you have found it, and really found it, love will never let you down. It will be faithful and kind. Love will be beautiful and unpredictable. And even though I haven't found it, I feel all these things for it. I don't know why and I don't know how, but I can tell you I really do believe in love.

I just wanted to say that to anyone who is going through something right now, because I am in a state of heart broken heartedness, and over my best friend that I have loved to the core of my soul for about 3 years of my life. But unfortunately he doesn't feel the same. He wants to find something better I presume and I am not that. I have sometimes felt unworthy of love and inadequate, almost useless. But one day I am going to get over it and I am going to find love and love will find me back. And to those who are broken, it may not seem like it now, but take me for example with such an emotional attachment like mine it cannot be overcome in a day. But I know it's going to happen for me.

I know this sounds like a motivational talk for everyone but I was just feeling inspired. I jsut wanted to get one of the nice things I was feeling about love off my chest. But of course I am angry, hurt and frustrated sometimes. That's a natural emotion, just know you should be all driven to smile and be happy witht he thought of the hope of love.

And to those who have found love, be happy. Don't let go, hold on tight, because he or she is a keeper. And be inspired by that love, because people like myself who long to find "the one" envy you and can't wait to be in your position. But I say to myself everyday when the time is right it will happen. And it will. I believe in love, do you?

How To Love Again

Once your heart has been broken, it can be very difficult to love again. Some people never move past a broken heart. However, you can learn to love again, even after being emotionally wounded by a failed relationship or a lost love. To deprive yourself of love is to miss out on one of life's biggest blessings. Here is how to love again.

Step One: Grieve your losses. Before you will be ready to love again, you need to heal the pain that your lost love has inflicted. Whether you lost your love through a failed relationship or the death of a loved one, your lost love left emotional wounds. Grieve your losses so you will free yourself to love again.

Step Two: Recognize the need to love again. Loving others is one of the most basic needs of human existence. Without love, life is meaningless. While you might need to take some time to lick your emotional woulds, closing off your heart to love will make your life seem empty.

Step Three: Decide that loving again is worth the risk. While you are still in the grieving process, your heart might feel too fragile to take the risk of loving again. However, as you grieve your loss and become more emotionally healthy, you will move towards being ready to open up your heart.

Step Four: Love yourself. The more you love yourself, the more likely you are to attract a person who is emotionally healthy. If you go otu looking for love to fill a hole in your heart, then you are much more likely to attract someone who wants to take advantage of you. However, if you come from the perspective of having lots of love to give, then you will attract a similar person.

Step Five: Think about what you want in a new relationship. Set a standard for what you are seeking in a new relationship. Make it a point to progress in this relationship, and don't fall into old patterns just because they are comfortable.

Step Six: Let the love come to you. Don't go out looking for the perfect person in places where singles congregate. Instead, get involved in activities which you enjoy that bring you into contact with people who have the same interests. Whether you do this through a church, a bowling league or a city event, get involved in your community in a positive manner.

Step Seven: Ease into a new relationship slowly. Do not try to replace the lost relationship. Instead, allow a new one to grow and blossom in its own way.

Don't Let Go Of Me Now

Love is something I have been cautious of. You know this, because you were there when he broke my heart. It had been coming for a while, but that night my world shattered. You saved me. I lost myself in you quickly, you were everything I needed. You never pressured me, and you kissed me in ways he hadn't ever done. You knew where I was coming from, because you had done it to her.

Love is not something I was looking for. I just needed an escape, but falling asleep in your arms night after night and your perfect smile caught me off guard. We were never too serious, but we were each others. We needed each other to mend. And so we did.

You left, and I went to discover myself. Somehow, we never stopped being each other's. Somewhere along the way, we fell in love. Now we hang in limbo. The way I need you never seems to fade, but yours comes and goes like the wind. You tell me you love me, and then you fight with your heart to keep yourself away. Of course it isn't easy, but we have always made it work. We are both hanging on for the time in our lives where we end up in the same place. We both know it's going to be worth it.
So whatever you do, just don't let go of me now.

Prisoner of the Moment

"This is a story of boy meets girl. But you should know upfront, this is not a love story."- 500 Days of Summer

It's true. My story is not a love story. But this represents what I yearn more than every to be, "a prisoner of the moment."

I met boy less than two months ago. And it only took me one to fall in love with him. He was handsome, adventurous, intelligent, and could throw sarcastic remarks back as quickly as I could dish them. I wanted to spend all of my time with him. Just thinking about him made my face burst into a smile. He was exciting, and I couldn't get enough. But after only three weeks, it ended. He was still in love with his ex girlfriend, and I would forever not be her. It burned at first. I cried. A lot. I thought about all the things we had done together and all the future plans that would never be.

But as quickly as I had fallen for him, I had bounced back.Three weeks of love meant our relationship was only a glitch in time. But it fit perfectly. I wish to be someone that goes whole heartedly for what I want, disregarding the consequences. And in this situation, this is exactly what I had done. I had many warnings from friends, telling me I was setting myself up to get hurt. Which I did. But, without that risk, I never would have been able to feel that fire. Three weeks of pure happiness was worth the sadness. Being a "prisoner of the moment" means that I lead with my wants and not my rationalities. I go based off instinct, not thinking too far into the future. With boy, I dove in completely and tried to suppress all other thought, the scream telling me to protect myself and back out. I was hurt in the end, but life is too short to care. I can only hope I find this passion again, and that it doesn't burn out quite so quickly

My Feelings Won't Change

The message I sent to my lover when he ended things telling me he all of a sudden had no time for our relationship. There's so much left unsaid that it's got to a point where I am a mess. I can't keep trying.

I won't lie; I still how you will call and probably won't move on until you do. I am confused that you were just going to leave it though you know what I am feeling. Being openly emotional isn't something I do, so you know I am really trying. We have both had unsuccessful relationships and it kills that you won't give us a chance. I just wanted to be there for you. No drama, just me and you. Despite what you have going on, I would support you and not cause stress on you. You say your life has a schedule, I could have worked with that. All I wanted was your time, however much or little. I need you to know that I would have been different. No lies, control, cheating or games.

Think of the time we spent together. You know we would have been good for each other. You made me feel things I had never felt before then took it away as if it was nothing. As if I was nothing. No explanation. Imagine how that feels. I don't know if its because of what happened or because you truly don't want someone right now, but you will soon enough, we all do and I am here. Still wanting you just the way we were. If you felt everything you said you did you could balance it. But I can't force that. You have your reasons. I just wish you didn't. You mean so much to me and you can't tell giving up on us makes you happy. I meant it when I said I loved you. We had something. Maybe it's over. Maybe you need time. Either way my feelings won't change.

Stop Taking From Me

Beyond madness....beyond being angry and expressing emotion in a healthy way....I'm talking about the person that you never know when or how severely they will blow.

When you live with someone of this nature, it affects everyone. We learned to not speak our minds, we learned to not tell the truth, and our thinking became distorted from never knowing exactly what it would be to ignite the flame. We lived instilled with fear.

It's the holidays and I'm eternally grateful I do not live in daily contact with such irrational behavior. But it's also the holidays that bring back the fact that as a single mother things have never been the same during these times either. Each year following the dissolution of that long term relationship, I've had the greatest inner strength and determination to make it through.

Over the last few years, I have done a lot of healing and addressing the effects of that relationship. In fact, if anything, my pendulum has swung as far in the opposite direction as possible. I tell the truth even if it hurts. I know now I am not responsible for the other person's reaction. I've become too independent for my own good, I think. And I refuse to live between someone's guidelines of what they believe is acceptable.

Anger is a thief ...... it not only robs the angered one of himself but it steals from those who try to live with the angry. Sometimes, as I have recently, I sit and think...what the hell was wrong with me? And how in the world did I live in such an atmosphere for the amount of time I did. It baffles me. But yet, now, when I hear stories of abuse and fear and why someone would stay....I understand how it happens. That's not to say that I understand the mental process that goes on within us to not realize just how disturbingly wrong it is.

Obviously after a number of years there is no such hope that the person will just change without the help of a professional. And so, rationally, how long can one withstand such behavior? Why not bail at the first, second, or tenth occurrence? Why not bail after one, two, or ten years? The strange thing is, I can never recall ever thinking of leaving. He, on the other hand, ran off in anger every other few days in the end. Only in hindsight can I tell you that anger is definitely progressive. However, slow and subtle it may grow....it will get worse and it will reach greater heights of abuse.

And it was at that point, something clicked. Instantly, the end came and I checked out. With each passing year since, more and more clarity has come. And with that clarity becomes self anger. Yes, strange, right? Wasted years, wasted time, unhealthy emotional trauma....yes, I'm mad at me. I'm angry for trying, I'm angry for exposing myself for so long to another's anger, I'm angry I exposed my daughter to the unhealthiness of it all, I'm angry I wasted so many years, I'm angry I've had to spend so much time healing from it, I'm angry I'm where I am in life because of it, and I'm angry that holidays are not the same for any of us.

And I'm mostly angry that I am letting it take something from me…

How Do You Know If It's Real Love?

Love is a mysterious visitation that seizes you, a once in a lifetime feeling of sheer ecstasy. Love is believed to be strictly an affair of the heart, something that can't be understood, just experienced. Love conquers all and lasts forever...

Falling in love can be an amazing experience. But what is real love?

Love at first sight? Does it truly exist? Movies, books, television shows, would have you believe that love at first sight lasts forever. Physical attractiveness is usually what makes people notice each other. It's hard to see someone's personality at first sight. You don't know anything about someone at first sight. (1 Peter 3:4)

Looks are deceiving. Outward appearances are deceiving. Charm may be false, prettiness may be vain. (Proverbs 31:30) The heart is the most deceitful thing there is. (Jeremiah 17:9)

Love versus Infatuation... Infatuation is blind and it likes to stay that way. Infatuation is counterfeit love, unrealistic and self centered. A relationship is based on selfishness is bound to fail. Love based on bible principle is neither self-centered nor selfish. When you are really in love you care just as much for the other's welfare and happiness as you do your own. Do not let overpowering emotion destroy your judgement.

It takes time. True love is not hurt by time. Test the feelings and then let time pass. Time allows you to examine your romantic interest. Real love does not happen overnight. How can you know true love? Get to know more than the person's external image. Give time for the relationship to form. Genuine loev grows stronger with time and becomes a perfect bond of union. (Colossians 3:14)

Is it love or Infatuation? There are so many characteristics of love and infatuation. I will discuss both of them first. The first discussion is going to be about love. Love is an unselfish caring about the interest of the other person. Romance often starts slowly, perhaps months or even years. You are attracted by the other person's total personality and spiritual qualities. The effect on you is that it makes you a better person. You view the other person realistically, seeing his or her faults, yet loving them anyways. You have disagreements but you find that you can talk them out and settle them. You want to give and share with the other person.

Infatuation characteristics can be often seen as love but you have to really examine them. Infatuation is selfish and restrictive. One thinks, what does this do for me. Romance starts out fast, perhaps hours or days. You are deeply impressed or interested in the other's physical appearance. Its destructive and disorganizing effect. It is also unrealistic, the other person seems perfect. You ignore any nagging doubts about serious personality flaws. Arguments are frequent, nothing really gets settled. Many are settled with some kind of attention seeking behaviors for example a kiss or sex. The emphasis is on taking or getting, especially in satisfying sexual urges.

He that is trusting in his own heart is stupid. (Proverbs 28:26) Far too often, the judgement of our heart is misguided or misdirected. You can escape the dangers and frustrations otehrs have suffered if you learn differences between love and infatuation.

So, in conclusion... when you are looking at your own relationship... what kind are you in? Take into serious consideration what is written above because only you can know what God truly has in store for you. I think I know what I have. Do you?

How Much You Mean To Me

The moon. I have always been drawn to it. Connected, in some inexplicable way. A silent kinship. There's the moon, asking to stay. All my life, I have regarded it with a solemn reverence. For the tempestuous storm it brews. The ebb and flow. Love, lust and longing. Sorrow and anguish. Strength and hope. Brazen resilience. An image of change. Of life itself. Birth and death and rebirth. Continuous incontinuity. Everything amounts to this enormous beauty I know I will never fully be able to grasp. In all this, the moon reflects the heart of life. The kaleidoscope flux of the soul. The moon. It's a cause for introspection. A mirro of who I have been, and a promise of who I can become.

I changed when you came into my life. Time and experience had left me rough around the edges. I learned to get on, without needing anything or anyone else. I never wanted to be different or try and be better for any other person. But then you happened. You showed me wha tit was to love. How beautiful it could be to share something like that with another person. And then I wanted to be better for you all of the time. For some reason, I was never able to do it. It took losing you for me to realize what an awful person I had become by the end of our relationship. I couldn't see it then, the way I do now. The truth is that I mistreated you. I was selfish, unreasonable and immature. You did not deserve it. I need you to know how sorry I am for who I was. I want you to know that I know I was unfair to you, and that I regret it deeply. For as much as I loved you, I never ever should have treated you the way I did. I am so sorry, I don't know how or why I became that person, but she isn't somoene I would recognize now.

When our relationship ended, I found myself down a passage of self reflection, the depth of which I have never before traversed. I had to come to terms with the faults and weaknesses I began to see within me. I realized that I had neglected a lot of people in my life. I had spent most of my life unable to see anything beyond my own stupid hang ups. I was so self involved and intent on shutting out the rest of the world, that I had failed to give those I loved what they deserved from me. I don't think I truly understood what guilt felt like until that point.

I used to think a lot about the people I didn't have in my life anymore. Of those, there were some that the circumstances of life took from me, and others that I let fall away. It was faith that made me believe that you would never become one of those people. I had spent too much time grieving over the ones who had left, and I reminded myself to be grateful for those that remained. I always tried to make srue I appreciated your presence in my life. I guess somewhere along the way, I lost sight of that. I have learned to much from life to ever make that mistake again. When we were together, it was because of you that I wanted to be a better person. Throughout your absence, the sentiment remains. And I owe it to you. You were always there for me. I don't have words to express how much you have taught me about love, faith and what it means to be a good person. Thank you.

The last thing I want to tell you is how much you meant to me. I will never forget our time together. You changed my life. And if I know anything at all, it's that what we had was real. My love for you was true. And I loved you the best way I knew how. I haven't said it with a lot of words or any poeticism, but there it is. As honest as I can say it.

Do This, Do That

Have you ever felt like that? Of course you have… we all do, and most of us feel it a little bit most every day. Times like these we really need to take a deep breath. In, and out, deeply at first, slowly going out, maybe even forming some kind of restriction with our mouths as we exhale. Wasn’t there a movie, “Waiting to Exhale?” Or something like that, anyway, sometimes it’s good to wait before exhaling, giving us a little more time to form that thought, that one thought… “Who am I?” Yes, ‘who am I’, for that is really the only question when it comes to decisions that weigh on us. Our ego gets into the picture sometimes all too often. And then there’s clutter, such as well, how would they feel? How can I do this without hurting someone else’s feelings? What will come of it if I do this or that? You know… you know deep down if its right, and you know too, that somehow everything’s going to be ok, when you do what your inner self deems right. A peace comes over you that can hardly be explained. We’ve all felt it, from time to time, because the odds of chance tell us that we are bound to ‘do the right thing’ at least some of the time. If we could just give ourselves the time we really deserve when it comes to decision time, we would be so much richer in this life. Some things are really big, at least to us, and yet, most of those things, if we examined them from our perspective to the past, after whatever happened, happened, it most often doesn’t seem to be as big a deal as we thought. Oh there are surely times we may still have wished we’d made a different choice, yet I think that observation is somewhat flawed. We may still be looking at it with tainted feelings, allowing our present to beat us down, telling us that ‘if we had only done this or that, if we’d only said things differently’. Well, we both know different choices would put us in a completely different ‘present’, but we have no way of knowing what that present could possibly be. We may think that things would be so much better, but that is probably not true. We would indeed be in a different place, though we would still have challenges in our lives, they’d just be different!

Still, that type of thinking is constantly pestering us. I say ‘pestering’ because that is what it really is. No amount of thought or energy whatsoever can bring that moment in time back to us. We are who we are regardless of what could have been, for what could have been is a make-believe story. Such things happen for a reason, and sometimes the reason is meant to be a big lesson for us, or possibly for another person involved. I mean, take for instance a relationship, possibly a budding romance. Something happens that seems to force you into making a decision, maybe to call your partner out on something, maybe to discuss some unethical behavior, maybe they hurt you, but suddenly you find yourself pressed with acting or reacting. Now that is a good time to STOP and take a minute for yourself. Take that deep breath, and ask yourself, “Who am I?” And as you breathe out, you will remember who you are. As you remember who you are, the input for making a decision will present itself to you, and your decision will be led by your spirit, the part of you that knows more than you know. Sometimes it can take a bit longer to get back to yourself, like maybe a few breaths, and a few more minutes, but don’t you think you owe it to yourself? I do… I know you do… I know that each one of us owes a few minutes to our self when making what we feel is a big decision. Needless to say, obviously we don’t always give ourselves such time, and we feel so burdened by making a decision, and sometimes act rashly. Even so, as much as it may seem that we made the wrong decision, that is not so. As many arguments that you can come up with about why it was wrong, and how much better and different you would feel today had you done something else, you are wrong in that thinking, and I can give you reasons to back that up. I mean, come on, it’s a make-believe world you are posing for yourself! I can make stuff up, too! Please don’t confuse this with having and following your dreams. Oh they are very real, they are fresh from within you, and they need only belief to become your reality; however that is another subject and requires some knowledge I don’t yet possess. What we’re talking about here are not dreams initiated within our hearts, these are fantasies born of things from our past. They are lies that we tell ourselves, and prefer to believe, especially when our present isn’t so wonderful, at least in our mind’s eye. That one you left, or who left you, supposedly because of what you did or said? He/she wasn’t meant to be anything more from that moment in time. Remember, they also had a choice. There are so many variables, but the one constant is that everything happens for a reason. Did you take the time for yourself to settle down and remember who you were? Not only is that a disruption of the present in that moment in time, you have to consider what the other party was faced with, and what their thoughts were about it, and what lesson they were meant to learn, if any. You would not be the same person today had things been any different. Some may feel that it surely couldn’t be worse, yet it most likely would be, for you would still have that lesson to learn, you would still have the pain to go through… of course, now we’re getting a bit subjective, but you must get the idea: there are so many if’s, buts’, and I knows that come into play; it’s impossible to determine any one outcome based on such criteria.

Ok, this is all a part of what I’ve come to believe about the decisions we’ve made in the past as well as how decisions we make today can be affected and handled. I feel so strongly about it that I wanted to share. Such realizations, enlightenment if you will permit, have come to me only recently, like in the past few years, and they’ve evolved bit by bit during that course of time as well. I hope some of this makes sense to you, and I know sometimes I leave things out that may be crucial in understanding, so if you have questions, please ask me. I only mean to share what I believe can help us in our struggles with our past as well as our gateway into our futures, which is our present. I used the example of relationships because it has forever been so dear to me, and I have put myself through much agony over it through the years, but it really does apply to everything we have ever done, based on decisions, or choices, whether ‘forced’ or otherwise, such as taking or losing a job, yelling at our child or not, and so forth. I hope to hear your thoughts on this, and as several friends have commented before, sharing is often a way to learn to accept and understand one another, and I want to understand you better, as I hope you will me.

I Will Never Date a Pig

Women tend to understand where I'm coming from. That is because they realize the importance of finding a high quality mate, who will contribute to the well being of later offspring. In contrast, the only people who got so angry over my post were all male high school and college drop outs. They became so pissed off and defensive because what I wrote had totally reminded them of why they continue to get ignored and rejected by women by like me, over and over again. They tried to justify their own failure by accusing me of being a "snob", and or a "gold digger", all of which are ridiculous because I have never once mentioned wanting to date a billionaire or be showered with diamond jewelry and fancy dinner. They also argued that education isn't important since someone can still be both successful and intelligent without ever stepping their foot on a university campus. While that is partially true, education, though isn't everything, will make someone a more well-rounded person.

Anyone who has ever taken classes IN ANY 4 year institution in the US (yeah, I'm not just talking about Ivy League, Berkeley, and Stanford) would be taught many incredible concepts from a variety of courses like arts, astronomy, anthropology, sociology, psychology, biology, chemistry, political science, literature, economic, ethnic studies, finance, etc... Thus, their mind become more opened and welcoming of new ideas, new religions, new cultures. They become more liberal. They support human rights. They appreciate multiculturalism. They like arts and foreign languages. And perhaps more importantly, they will know the difference between "your", and "you're"; "they're", "their", and "there"; "to", 'too", "two", and "tutu"; "where" and "we're"; et cetera and et cetera...

Even if I was willing to settle for someone without a college education and degree, would we even be having any common grounds? Would he be able to relate to my friends who are highly educated? If I had asked him questions on politics, religion, philosophical meanings? Would I have to give him 10 minutes or more to look up what I am talking about? Or would he try to switch topic by saying that he couldn’t think because his balls were itching?

When it comes down to it, each person, of course, will have their own set of standards for a mate. Some guy may ask for nothing but big breasts, or for a good cook. Others might prefer blonde over brunette, and or red hair over blonde, etc.. I have a few female friends who don’t really ask for anything but a nice, sweet, gentleman who will really care, respect and love them for who they are. In contrast, I also know girls who will not date a guy unless he always pays for dinner and buys them nice things. Whatever other people look for would obviously be their own personal choice, and that’s fine. I respect their wishes and never make any comment about their demands. So why is that so many people are so concerned with what I look for in a guy?

Shouldn’t I be the one to complain, since it’s such a nuisance for me to get hit on every single day by people that I am far from being attracted to and would never, in a million years, be interested in? I’ve actually always wonder how those guys have such bravery (being below average looking, uneducated, unemployed) have the nerve to approach girls like me. Sure, there are hot girls out there who don’t mind dating a super unattractive guy for some type of financial dependency, or for the insecurity that he won‘t cheat (and perhaps also with the hope that one day, he’ll magically become handsome overnight, just like in one of Disney’s most beloved movies: Beauty and the Beast) but for the rest of the remaining beautiful girls, particularly intelligent, and independent ones such as myself who prefer to make our own money and not rely on anyone: we’re just NOT fucking stupid. It’s as if I was to place an ad on Craiglist, trying to sell a 2009 Mercedes-Benz E class automobile, asking for $75,000 but end up receiving emails from shameless idiots who offer to trade it with their 2002 Ford Mustang. Wouldn’t you think they are insane?

Sorry to crush anyone’s dream but the saying "Birds from a feather flock together" is much more true than the saying "Opposites Attract", according to psychology researches, and therefore, people tend to socialize, connect and are drawn to those that are like themselves. If you think I'm wrong, then why isn't Brad Pitt married to a nurse, and why isn't Angelina making babies with a bartender? So how is it unreasonable for a woman like me, being highly attractive, intelligent, and educated to ask for a guy of my caliber? Come on, lawyers marry doctors, actors marry super models or actresses. Beautiful and classy women, of course, will marry handsome, successful men. Did they think someone like me would ever go for a janitor or a 30, 40 something year old who still lives at home with his parents? On the other hand, if I was old, overweight, and unattractive, even with an amazing singing voice such as Kelly Clarkson, do any of you actually think that I would be able to land a man who looks like Leonardo Dicaprio? Too bad, the world we live in isn't a fantasy island, my dear friends

All the Qualities I Look For in a Guy

I have separated everything into 4 Categories: Obvious Criteria (Absolutely required), Physical Attributes (Exterior - Looks), Nonphysical Attributes (Interior - Personality), Bonus Points (Optional - Icing on the Cake)

DISCLOSURE: The guy I'm asking for IS NOT PERFECT. If he was, I would have probably mentioned wealth, fame, power and high status. I would have HOPED for a billionaire, celebrity or some type of rocket scientist. Instead, I understand that a great personality is worth more than materialism ever will because it is, no doubt, the inner beauty that will outlast everything in the end. Before I compiled this list, I have actually evaluated my own attributes as well as the attributes of everyone I have once dated to see what I could bring to the table, and as well as what had worked for me before and what had not.

A lot of time, people jump into a relationship either because they feel lonely, or because the other person just happens to be there at the right timing, or it could also because of love. Well, I'm sorry to bust anyone's bubbles but "love" alone isn't enough, if it was; breakups and divorce rate wouldn't have been so outrageously high. Indeed, many relationships fail because people refuse to evaluate what had gone wrong in their past relationships and take the lesson into the next romance. Both men and women usually don't learn from their old mistakes and continue to go for the "incompatibles". To simply put it, they just aren't picky enough.

One could easily say my list is too much and or that I'm being too demanding but as my one of my friends has beautifully stated "Aside from the biological criteria such as looks and genetic makeup, the rest are the basic quality of a highly efficient person. Everyone should have them." If someone doesn't possess the intelligence, class, education, integrity, ambition, family values, etc.” That I will be mentioning, they wouldn't be able to thrive or even survive in this fast-paced and competitive world for very long anyway. Even if they did, they would be producing very poor offspring (and definitely not with my eggs).


OBVIOUS CRITERIA

- STRAIGHT: Don't get me wrong, I am very liberal and have nothing against homosexuals or bisexuals but I will only date guys who are 100% straight. Let's be honest here, there are plenty of gay males out there who have not yet come out either because they don't want to or are scared to and are currently dating, or even marrying females to disguise their true sexuality. Then after 5, 10, 15, 20 years or so, they'd abandon their relationship/marriage for a man, claiming they've just turned gay when in fact they have been gay all along. My point really is, there's nothing wrong with being gay. Being gay and deceptive about it to the opposite sex, however, is very selfish. Straight guys only please.

- SINGLE: He has to be single, not married, dating, or talking to anyone else. Love triangles are too complicated.

PHYSICAL ATTRIBUTES

- GOOD-LOOKING: I'll never be one of those pretty girls who would settle for a much less attractive guy just because he's nice or for the security that he won't cheat. While it's true that physical appearance isn't everything, beauty still plays a crucial role in mate finding, for if we were not attracted to someone, it would probably never work. Although I don't run into gorgeous guys and male models on a daily basis, I am fortunate, in my experience, to have come across some of the most beautiful people on the planet and for that reason; my standard in physical attributes tends to be quite high. In general, I'm usually drawn to someone with a striking pretty or handsome face, dark hair, dark eyes, tall, fit and a little tan. While it's true I prefer darker features, I have also dated and been attracted to guys with light hair and light eyes. I cannot resist a smile that conveys warmth and genuineness or a set of deep, beautiful eyes that will make me feel lost gazing into.

- HAS A NICE BODY: I don't like guys who constantly work out and or are obsessed with their bodies for the same reason guys don't like girls who are always on a diet. I am, however, attracted to a guy who takes good care of himself enough to be fit. Someone with a body that is proportional to mine, 5'10 - 6'2 tall, and not skinny, overweight or obese. I also don't like those big, buff sweaty looking guys who look like they're on steroids. I prefer preppy, pretty boys ;)

- EXOTIC: Hot guys out of my race or the ones with mixed breed really turn me on! It's probably curiosity that attracts me to people that are different from myself. I'd figured the best way to learn about other cultures is through romance.


NONPHYSICAL ATTRIBUTES (They are in fact more important than the physical attributes, which is this list is lengthier)

- INTERESTING: A guy has to have an exciting personality and intriguing aura about him in order to catch my attention as well as keep it. A lot of boring guys out there use the "nice guy" card as an excuse but sorry, there's a big difference between being nice and being dull. Any guy that fails to keep my interest will quickly be kicked to the curb. Yawns.... NEXT!

- POSSESSES A NICE VOICE: A good, clear voice should not be underestimated for we all have been attracted to someone's physical appearance, that is, until they opened their mouth to speak. It is extremely importantly for a guy I date to possess a nice voice because he needs to be able to attract me with his communication, not just through physical interaction.

- PHYSICALLY HEALTHY: For obvious reasons, I want a guy to be physically healthy so that he won't die on me several months after we started dating or a couple years into our relationship. And of course, no STD's! Thanks.

- EMOTIONAL HEALTHY: I'm not going to waste my time dealing with guys that have emotional baggage, ex-girlfriend drama, etc… If a guy constantly mentions his ex, I consider that a big red flag and if he says bad things about her, that would be even worse because I assume he would probably talk about me like that one day.

- PASSIONATE & AMBITIOUS: He has to have a passion for life and has high ambitions. Knows what he wants and is willing to work hard for it.

- HONEST: All types of human interactions and relationships require honesty, be it business, friendship or more. And who likes liars?

- GENUINE: In the world full of counterfeit Louis Vuitton handbags, other replica designer items, and fake silicone breasts, it's only reasonable that I want someone who is genuine. Being genuine is a little different from being honest, whereas honesty is telling the truth and genuineness is about truly being oneself. Just because I'm picky doesn't mean a guy who wants to date me should mold himself into what he thinks I would like.

- FAITHFUL: Whenever I get involved with a guy, I might not necessarily think or hope it would be forever but regardless of how long I've been with him: two days or two years, I do expect 100% loyalty. We live in a fast paced world where people fall in and out of love faster than in a blink of an eye. If a change of heart happens in any case, I think that we should always break up or at least be honest with our current partner before getting involved with someone else. It's just a classy thing to do.

- INTELLIGENT: A good combination of street smarts and book smarts with common sense, wisdom and intellectual skills are a must.

- EDUCATED: Just because someone is smart doesn't mean they're educated and as much of a liberal person as I am, I don't think I can ever get seriously involved with a guy without a college education. It has nothing to do with his career or the type of money he makes but it's rather because I know the importance of earning a good education and how a having college degree can make someone a well-rounded person. I'm not going to think any less of someone who, due to some difficult situation, was not able to attend or complete college, but nothing serious could ever come out of us considering it would be hard for him and I to be able relate to each other on the same level.

- CHARMING: It's tough for me to describe what I mean by the term "charming" but I guess it's the way a guy carries himself, how he normally interacts with other people, the gestures he makes, the way he speaks and walks.

- CLASSY: He has to have a spectacular taste in pretty much everything and is into arts, beauty and good entertainment; possesses a curious brain, constantly wants to learn new things and is appreciative of multiculturalism.

- CONFIDENT BUT EASY GOING: We must all agree that confidence is deadly sexy. I have a positive mentality and therefore refuse to date those with self-esteem issues and/or are pessimistic.

- FUNNY: I like a guy who not only has a good sense of humor but is also quick-witted enough to understand and respond to my clever jokes: someone who can make me laugh and doesn't take himself too seriously.

- ROMANTIC: The guy I end up with needs to be into romantic things like: candlelight dinners, instrumental music, foreign films, hand-written love notes, cute pet names, long walks on the beach, sensual body massages, looking at stars and watching the sunset, et cetera, and et cetera….

- MATURE & RESPONSIBLE: When I talk to other girls, the biggest complaint they have is that the guys they were involved with did not know what they want. While I agree that the majority of males do not know what they want in relationships, I think they are also absolutely clueless about what they want in life. It has much to do with maturity and how a lot of males either just can't grow up or refuse to ever grow up. This is why there are so many 30's, 40's, 50's year old men out there who never had a serious relationship or a real career; they simply cannot commit to anything. A guy I date must to be mature, responsible and needs to know exactly what he wants because I'm definitely not going to waste my time babysitting or waiting for him to get his act together.

- FAMILY ORIENTED: I'd like a guy who comes from a good family, that is, preferably a non-broken family or at least a separated but normal functional family with a cool dad and a nice mom. I know that a lot of people don't put this in their mate-finding criteria because they think they won't be dating that person's whole family. I think it is an awful mistake to overlook someone's family background because their upbringing has a lot to do with the way they have turned out. Obviously a guy who has a loving, classy mother will more likely to grow up respecting women and have more successful relationships with other people than a guy who has an alcoholic mom or a commitment-phobic cheating dad. Furthermore, I'm looking for someone who is close to his family. And by saying that, I don't mean a guy who's 30 and still lives at home but rather a guy who has a tremendous amount of love and respect for his parents so that he can too, have respect and courtesy for my parents, if I were to introduce him to them one day.

- HAS GOOD MORALS: Most other girls probably wouldn't care if a guy treats other people badly as long as he's a good boyfriend. To me, however, if a guy has no common courtesy, stabs his friends' backs, curses at his own mom, abuses animals, he is an asshole, despite of how well he may treat me. What good would a person be if they were to not have consideration for others or possess a sense of what's right and wrong? Why would I want such a sociopath in my fabulous life?

- DOESN'T DRINK, SMOKE, OR USE DRUGS: I think a lot of problems in the US, such as violence, car accidents, poverty, poor health, and etc… have to do with the misuse, or abuse of tobacco, alcohol and drugs. For that reason, I've made the wise decision not to drink, smoke or use any type of substance. Although I may be okay with dating a social drinker, I refuse to go out with anyone who smokes, gets high and is constantly drunk like a frat boy.

- SWEET & CARING & THOUGHTFUL: He needs to be sensible to my feelings and has no problem showing his affection. He must know me well enough to know all of my likes and dislikes. He won't ever forget my birthday and will occasionally come up with cute surprises. (I am a sucker for hand-written letters and little thoughtful gifts)

- DEPENDABLE & SUPPORTIVE: I'm not the type of girl who would constantly ask a guy to do this and that for her, however, I'd like to have someone I could completely trust and rely on: a guy with a strong shoulder for me to cry on and who will be 100% supportive of my goals.

- HAS SOME KIND OF TALENT OR INTERESTING HOBBY: I personally think that everyone is talented, or at least secretly talented, in some way. A guy doesn't necessarily have to be an amazing singer, a great actor or a wonderful athlete in order to win my heart. I could easily be drawn to a simple talent such as dancing, writing, or drawing. I'm always into learning new things so even if a guy has a hobby like snowboarding, swimming, or whatever, I'll be intrigued. I'm not asking for much, just that he won't be a bland boring person. And being addicted to Myspace or video games does not count as a hobby!

- SELF-SECURE: Even though I'll admit that a little jealousy is cute because it shows that a guy cares about me, over-possessiveness and insecurity are both major turn offs! I think I've mentioned it before that I'm a Caner, and because of that I'm extremely independent and value my freedom very much. I cannot stand a guy who will call, email, text every half-an-hour to check up on me. If he doesn't trust me, he shouldn't be with me. Furthermore, I would feel extremely miserable with a clingy, needy guy who solely relies on me for his happiness.

- CHALLENGING: I'm not one of those people who want what they can't have, neither am I the type of girl who's into bad boys that would treat women like crap. There's nothing I would adore more than a sweet, caring and thoughtful guy but because I can usually get whomever I want, I can't help but being turned on by a bit of challenge and unpredictability. After all, isn't the chase what makes it fun? I love to seduce and being seduced in return!

- LAST BUT NOT LEAST: He needs to be insanely crazy about me in each and every way. If he's not, why would I want to be with him?

- ONE MORE THING: I also cannot and will not date a Republican. I'm not crazy about politics but I'm just too open-minded and liberal to be putting up with a selfish, conservative jerk. Democrats or extreme Liberals only please.


-BONUS POINTS (OPTIONAL)

- LIKES TO READ: Because I love books so much, it would help if my guy also enjoys them. Most hot guys out there don't like to read because they think it's boring. I understand that not everyone is as much of a book nerd as I am; therefore, it's only optional that they like to read.

- CAN COOK: The saying "you'd get to a man's heart through his stomach" also applies to women. As much as I enjoy eating out and dining at nice restaurants, I would prefer a home cooked meal any day. If a guy were to cook for me, even if the food is barely edible, I'd still be very touched knowing the amount of effort he must have put into it. I'd know he cares.


BUT…
When it comes down to it, what I'm really looking for is a guy that can give me butterflies in my stomach every time I talk to him and whenever I'm around him. THE MOST IMPORTANT QUALITY, (one I would never make an exception for) however, would be the possession of a kind heart because someone who is a good person will naturally possess other great qualities such as integrity, compassion, honesty, loyalty, thoughtfulness, and strong morals/family values to them as well. (Nice Princess + Kind Prince = Fairy Tale Comes True). Yes, finding the right guy is a much more difficult task than finding the right shade of red lipstick therefore I am neither looking nor waiting. The one I'm destined to be with will manage to slaughter all the evil dragons and mean monsters then make his way to my bed one day.

Guidelines For a Long Lasting Relationship

I have been sitting here for the last few nights pondering ways to make my relationship stronger, and have compiled a "list" of necessary things, or things that I feel necessary, that every healthy relationship needs. Could be useful in other aspects of life (friendships, family relationships, etc..) with a little tweaking and common sense.

First off, EVERYTHING listed must be followed without deviation:

1) TRUTH. Uncensored truth. Nothing omitted, or altered to be misleading.
2) Refrain from negativity. This means actions, words, and attitude.
3) Posses the ability and willingness to give unconditional love.
4) Be grateful for everything. And express that gratitude frequently.
5) Be receptive to you partner. People change. Their likes and dislikes, their attitude, and personality all change over time. Watch them, study them. Be flexible and act accordingly.
6) Listen to them and actually listen.
7) Do everything with regard to your partner, at all times. It's like integrity, doing what is right even when no one is looking.
8) Love your partner above all others, and commit to them.
9) Give up anything that takes away from a healthy relationship, or makes your partner uncomfortable. This could be drugs, porn, alcohol, excessive internet/computer usage, bad friends, bringing up past mistakes, bringing up past relationships, or situations. What's more important, those things or your partner?
10) Trust 100% of the time and earn that trust
11) Never give up. Anything can be fixed with enough work and perseverance.
12) Never listen to gossip. Believe half of what you see and none of what you hear. If you have a question or an issue, take it up with them before believing it, or making a judgment.
13) Make your partner feel important, loved, needed, and appreciated.
14) Nothing worthwhile just happens and stays that way forever. Like a car, it requires constant maintenance, and adjustment.
15) You are a TEAM. Work as a team. Never leave your partner, never forsake your partner, and never mislead your partner.
16) Do at least one kind thing daily, for no reason but because you want to.
17) Your partner comes first. Go out of your way for them and make sacrifices for them.
18) Compliment them. Make them feel accomplished, and worthwhile.
19) Set an example. Treat them how you want to be treated
20) Be patient with your partner. Be slow to anger, and slower to retaliate. Be the bigger person, even if they deviate.
21) Be on the offensive, not the defensive. Instead of finding fault or guilt, look for the positive, and build on that. The offense scores, the defense PREVENTS forward motion.
22) Criticize constructively, tactfully, and CALMLY. Never intend to hurt the other person, or out do them. Make your point rationally and calmly while being sensitive of their feelings.
23) RESPECT your partner at all times
24) Do something daily that shows sincere thought. Call them for no reason, send them an e-mail, leave or make them a card or note, etc...
25) Romance them for no reason other than you love them. Spoil them with the little things.
26) Always let them know and show them that they are special, important, and perfect to you.
27) Be dedicated and selfless 100% of the time.
28) If things get stale, mix it up. Find a way to rekindle your love and passion. Never search elsewhere for that feeling. Never let yourself be receptive of that feeling from anyone else. There are plenty of "players" that can and will tell you exactly what you want to hear at the moment. Don't fall for it. Your PARTNER is at home, and they LOVE you regardless. Talk to them, don't go chasing something different to add spice, spice up the relationship you already have and have spent time making and perfecting. If you allow yourself to be vulnerable and start talking/establishing something else with another person while you are in a relationship, no matter the situation, you aren't much of a catch yourself, and you need to work on you!
29) Forgiveness. Everyone makes mistakes, and if you want to move on, you have to forgive.

Things You Don't Do To Your Girlfriends

I happen to think I’m the perfect person for passing this on to our sometimes entirely clueless male population. Best of all, I’m a girl, so I would totally know.

1) Don’t go to your past relationships for holidays. Seriously, are you fucking kidding me??
Dude, that’s dumb. She thinks you would rather be with your ex than her. And I don’t care what she says, that’s what she thinks. Some girls are so afraid of losing their man that they won’t tell him when their jealous. Trust me.

2) Don’t talk about your ex. Ever, I mean, come on guys. We really don’t want to hear about your past relationships, unless of course we bring it up first (in which case, proceed with caution). We don’t want to know about all the great, fun times you had with another girl, or all the awful, sad times you had with her. We don’t even want to hear about how great her family is, or even how great/awful you think her current man is. If you are talking about her, you are thinking about her and that’s bad. No excuses

3) Don’t lie to her about the stupid little things. Come on now, this is like a teeny-bopper move. If you lie to her about stupid little things (like, for example, about a text message from an old girlfriend), what else are you lying about? The best possible solution is to tell her right away when you get a text from any girl from your past. Whether it was a one night stand or a 5 year relationship, especially if you don’t talk to her often or you haven’t seen her since your breakup.

4) Don’t tell her what she can and can’t say. I’m not sure where all you people get all your super - smooth moves, but this isn’t one of them. I don’t know if someone foolishly thought that telling a girl they couldn’t say I love you around their friends was a turn on or what, but come on guys, don’t be stupid. If you have a girlfriend and you tell her you love her when you are alone but won’t do it around your friends. Don’t be surprised if she doesn’t trust you. Especially if you have girl friends (notice the space ((i.e., friends that are girls)). She will think you have some kind of thing with one of those girl friends and it will not end well


5) if something awful happens to her, don’t panic. The reason this is number 5 instead of number 1 is because it’s not very often people have this issue. If she gets hurt by someone else, i.e. another guy (by that I mean, someone takes serious advantage of her when she is vulnerable; think about it for a second) or a best friend, then you need to be there to tell her its okay. Sure she can go to her family, but she needs to know that you will be there for her, even when she is feeling weak and needy. If she doesn’t think she can count on you, she won’t tell you when she’s been hurt and you will be lucky if you ever find out.

Well, use this wisely guys. Don’t worry, were really not that hard to please. I promise.

Soulmate vs Playmate

In our quest for happiness we must be sure that we don't settle for a playmate when God has a soul mate waiting for us. Sometimes this is a hard distinction to make. Playmates are tricky. They are so much fun to be with that even the smartest of us will be fooled into thinking this has to be our soul mate.

Worse yet, too many of us attempt to make a soul mate out of a playmate. The danger of this is that later (after years of playing) we will meet our soul mate, but it may be too late then. We may have already made a life mate of our playmate and created life-long bonds (emotional, children, etc.) that will hold you together for eternity. Or we may have been hurt from playing so hard that we are in no shape ourselves to be anyone's anything.

How can we distinguish between the one, and just another one? First, we must be open with ourselves about who we really are and what our soul yearns for. Only you and god know what is truly in your heart and mind. Only you know what will make you truly happy and whole. In order to find your soul mate you have to know you, first.

You must be willing to listen to that inner voice. And is that voice telling you that the nerdy person you enjoy talking and sharing your thoughts with, could he be the one? What about that friend who is always willing to go the extra mile for you when no one else will. Oh no! He's too short or too tall, balding or too hairy, and on and on? Just too ordinary looking for me! Then there's that guy who makes you feel so special when you're around him, but he doesn't match that ideal you have conjured in your head. He’s too tall, not slender enough, not light or dark enough, not shapely enough, not attractive enough, and on and on. He just couldn't be for me... he is going to treat you like the jewel that you are. Not only that, his soul and yours will commune in ways you never imagined possible!

In order to heed that voice, we have to put on the back burner our own superficial thinking. Could it be that your inner desire is for a truly genuine person with a good heart? If you enjoy playing, stay on the playground. There are plenty of playmates out there to occupy your time. But don't spend too much time playing or you may play your life away. Eventually the playing loses its appeal and your soul begins to crave a deeper, more meaningful connection. Your soul begins to crave your soul mate

What To Do When a Girl Starts Crying

When you date a girl for longer than two months the odds become better than even that she will erupt into spontaneous waterworks for no discernible reason. All girls do this, even the stable normal ones. In fact, you should be concerned that you are dating a stone hearted bitch if she doesn’t inexplicably cry on occasion. If women who cry make you break out into sweaty hives you should probably limit yourself to dating lawyers. They never cry; they just subsume their womanly instincts into raging competitiveness and piston-like screwing. Thankfully for the state of femininity, their breed is dying out.

Most betas when confronted with such a spectacle will turn the finger of blame inward and wonder if it was something they did. A beta will tenderly, cautiously, approach the girl and touch her shoulder while asking if anything is wrong, did he do something that bothered her? Naturally, as my readers are well aware by now, this will paradoxically fill her with resentment for the beta. She will become agitated by his presence for reasons even she can’t fathom, and her disgust will grow as she pushes his arm off and insists that nothing is wrong.

The experienced man, on the other hand, has seen all this before. Through trial and error, or through honed intuition, he has learned how to deal with these emotional pressure releases that plague women. He knows that sometimes a powerful rogering will rattle a woman’s soul so deeply that tears are shaken loose. He will let the sob show play itself out, knowing that she will come through it on the other side a happier woman.

Here are the rules for dealing with a spontaneously crying woman:

* Don’t worry about why she is crying. It doesn’t matter if it was something you did, or if it had nothing to do with you, your reaction should be the same either way.

* That reaction is warm, nonverbal reassurance. Don’t say a word. Odds are you will say something to worsen her erratic emotional state.

* If you suspect that the cause of her tears is something you did, you should let her express those reasons on her own time. Don’t try and pry the reason from her.

* Give her a glass of water or wine while she is crying. If she refuses the drink, don’t loiter questioningly. Simply put her drink down on the counter and go about enjoying your drink.

* For the love of god, DON’T PLEAD WITH HER TO COMMUNICATE HER FEELINGS. This goes against everything that every women’s magazine and self-help relationship book says, but the truth is that there’s nothing a woman despises more than a mealy-mouthed sensitive beta playing new age psychotherapist.

Confessions of a Nice Woman

I have a confession to make. I don't believe in resolutions. I never make them, so I'm going to start a new tradition. Instead of resolutions, I'm going to make some confessions. They say confession is good for the soul, so as we come to the close of 2009 and look ahead to a sparklingly clean 2010 (and a brand new decade to boot), I think it's time to do a little soul cleansing. I've learned a lot about myself over the last year through dating so here are my nine confessions for 2009.

Confession #1: I'm a nice woman. If you're looking for a bad woman you're not going to find it here. I'm nice — too nice, some might say. I've discovered that some people just don't know what to do with a nice woman. They're so used to being treated like crap that they don't know how to react when someone treats them with respect. Sometimes I wish I could be more of an bitch, but at the end of the day, I'm a nice woman, for better or worse. They say nice woman finish last, but I'm banking on that not always being the case.

Confession #2: I'm not perfect. By the time you're done reading this column, you'll probably think this is an understatement, but I really hate being put on a pedestal. It's an awfully long way to fall, and trust me, I will fall eventually. I'm a bit of a klutz that way.

Confession #3: I'm not a confrontational person. This could be a continuation of my first confession, but it's a separate issue in that it very directly affects how I deal with people, especially people I'm dating. I'm always up for calm, honest discussion, but I don't like fighting. I also don't like approaching subjects that I know might upset the person I'm dating. This is something I need to get over, and since I'm aware of it, I'm working on it. After all, communication is the key to any healthy relationship.

Confession #4: I'm not as confident as I pretend. Five years in an unhealthy relationship and a really ugly ending took its toll on my self confidence. I've gained a lot of it back over the past year, but it's still pretty shaky, to be honest. It's a work in progress. Unfortunately, you don't get over being made to feel invisible and unattractive for years on end over night. Sometimes, I still can't quite understand why anyone would really be interested in me. Hey, I'm working on it.

Confession #5: I'm still figuring things out. I do feel like I'm moving in the right direction, at least, but I have a ways to go yet. One thing I definitely noticed recently was that I spent most of the last year subconsciously dating guys who were as opposite from my ex as possible. It was a good realization since that's not necessarily healthy. I was attracted to the good things about him — they're why I fell in love with him — and those are the same qualities I really want to find in the next guy I fall for. There's no need to throw the baby out with the bathwater, as the old saying goes. That was a valuable lesson for me...and I think it will be a turning point in my dating life.

Confession #6: I sometimes wish life was more like third grade. Remember how simple life was back when if you wanted to know if someone liked you, all you had to do was pass them a note that said, "I like you. Do you like me? Circle Yes or No." It's so much more complicated as a grownup. I often feel like stomping my foot and maybe throwing myself back on the ground while kicking and screaming. You have to decipher clues and hints and body language, and most of the time you still don't know for sure. Yes, there's always the direct approach, but so many guys are scared off by that. And then there are those whole confidence and non-confrontational issues...

Confession #7: I have a lot of walls. Complicating things even more is the fact that I have some major trust issues these days. I've been hurt a lot by people I loved and trusted, so I've built some pretty heavy duty walls. You practically need to be a ninja to get over these things. I know have a tendency these days to keep even those closest to me at an emotional arm's length, and that's something else I'm working on. Add it to the list. I've been trying to let them down a little lately, especially with friends. Now, I just need to find a guy I trust enough to let down all my defenses.

Confession #8: I want what I can't have. I know I'm not alone on this one because I hear it from other people all the time. Why is that we all seem to want what we can't have? We fall for guys who are unavailable, either by physical or emotional distance. Maybe it's all a weird sort of defense mechanism. If they're unattainable, it remains in the realm of what if and we never really open ourselves up to getting hurt. I'll continue trying to figure out the allure of the elusive lover.

Confession #9: I like myself. Despite all these confessions, I like who I am. My confidence may not be where I'd like it to be yet, and maybe I need to learn to be more direct, and maybe I have a lot of walls, but essentially, I like the person I've become. I didn't for a while. Being in a bad relationship turns you into someone you don't even recognize. I feel like I've been reborn in the past year. I'm becoming the person I really want to be. It's a slow process, but I've already come so far. I know my weaknesses and I'm working on them. Dating has taught me a lot about myself, and I'm sure the lessons are far from over. I don't know about you, but I know I'm looking forward to what 2010 has to bring. As writer Aisha Elderwyn once said, "Every new year people make resolutions to change aspects of themselves they believe are negative. A majority of people revert back to how they were before and feel like failures. This year I challenge you to a new resolution. I challenge you to just be yourself."

Tips To Keeping a Successful Relationship

ANNIVERSARIES
Always celebrate! Whether it's the 1st or the 50th, each year together is
a triumph.

APPRECIATION
Let each other know how much you appreciate each other. You may already know but hearing it from each other is always better.

BEST FRIENDS
Be best friends preferably before being boyfriend-girlfriend. Take time to know each other so the relationship will be a deep one. Tell each other about your crushes, dreams and problems. Make sure he/she is your best friend before getting engaged. The strong bond of friendship will help you both survive tough times.

BOND
Make it a point to spend time together often but leave room for each other. Also spend time alone with each other, so that at the end of the day you could both share your experiences. This way, you stay interesting with your partner.

COMPLIMENTS
Always complement each other. This will prevent feelings of resentment & thinking that one is being taken for granted.

DATE
Keep doings things that you both enjoy, do them together. Make time & continue to date to keep the romance - look good, smell good to maintain physical attraction

DIFFERENCES
Celebrate differences. Never force your ideologies down each others throat. Give up trying to turn your partner into you. Accept differences, appreciate them.

FIGHTS
Fight with the aim to resolve the issue. Don't outdo each other. The longer you extend the fight. The more chances that you'll say something hurtful and something you don't really mean. As mad as you were with your partner, he/she is still the person who laughs at your jokes & thinks you're hot. Hear each other out, don't dig up old issues. Choose your battles. Make sure the fight will be worth it and that something will change in the relationship as a result of the fight.

FLAWS
Know that the perfect person does not exist. Know that just as there are things that you love about him/her, there will be things that will make you go crazy. We are only human with our own flaws.

FUN
Have fun together! This means keeping the fun and spontaneity that was there in the early days. Allow each person to get silly - shower together, pee w/the door open etc. Being able to make each other laugh and see the lighter, crazier, absurd side is the best way to get through all the differences in personalities, adjustments in lifestyle and opposing viewpoints.

GOALS
Make sure you have similar goals. It would be difficult to keep your bond intact if your views are complete opposite.

GRUDGES
Quit tabulating grudges. Let it go. Discuss it, then trash it, don't recycle it.

KEEPING IT HOT
Keep it hot by traveling to different places together. A new setting will do wonders. Always have skin contact - be it holding hands, a massage or just plain leg rubbing.

HONESTY
Don't lie or hide things. The problem will only get bigger.

KNOW EACH OTHER
Learn each others interest. It really keeps the conversation flowing!

HUG
A hug can be far better than an intimate kiss.

IDENTITY
Don't lose your personality - that's why he/she fell in love with you. Have separate interest and activities to keep your individuality, and to be able to contribute more to the relationship.

INDEPENDENCE
Having your own income means you're the boss in your life.

IN-LAWS
Make rooms for the in-laws.

INTENTIONS
Wish each other well. Don't wish each other worst

ISSUES
Speak up about the awkward stuff now, like money and sex. The earlier, the better.

LISTEN
Listen, listen, and listen. Hear each other out especially during arguments.

LOOK GOOD
Mind your appearance! Stay fit and healthy for each other.

LOVE
It all boils down to your love, chemistry and respect for each other.

MEMORIES
Remind each other of the old days. Do something that you used to do for each other before.
It may even be corny but it made you two together. Experience some new things together- from dining into a new restaurant to experiencing street food together to exploring new places. It's the little surprises that make great memories.

MIND READING
No matter how long you've been together, do not think that you can read each other's mind.

NEEDS
Be good to yourself, then be good to your partner. That's what love is all about. Think about your partner. Will it make him/her happy? Will she/he enjoy it? Consider each other's feelings. Be very attentive and sensitive to each other's needs, physically and emotionally, that way your partner learns to do the same for you. Never take your partner for granted.

PRIORITIES
If one says it's important, then it is! Prioritize each other among other things!

SPACE

Give each other space. Have dates with your girlfriends, have your boy's night out. If you can't trust each other with this, then don't get married.

SORRY
Say sorry when you're wrong.

SURPRISES
No matter how long you've known each other, be open to surprises; either good or bad.

TEAMWORK
Think for two and always work as a team. Consult each other before making a decision because everything will always affect both of you. Strengthen couple power. In many ways, we have to decide based on what is best for the relationship in favor of our individual selves.

SUPPORT
Support each others dream. Be willing to follow your passions, support your partner in his/her decisions and create new ones together. Two heads are better than one.

TALK
Tell each others stories. Life goes by so fast and it’s easy to see how easily couple can grow apart. Whenever something funny, scary, exciting or juicy happened to you or to someone you know, tell each other about it and have your partner do the same. Keep each other in the loop of life, even by email if you have to.

Communication is the main ingredient in successful long relationships. Share your feelings without judgments or criticism, active listening, then working up to a discussion for problem solving. It takes continuous effort and learning.